Mum is finally displaying the paranoia that is rampant in our family (Uncle Stephen made Mulder seem incautious).

Mum: Why are next door growing a Triffid?

Me: They're not growing a Triffid.

Mum: No, look!

Me: Oh, fuck it, they are, aren't they? Never mind, we can fight back with the hedge.

Mum: Nah, the hedge is a plant; it's on the Triffids side!

Sigh. Escaping to Surrey now. Back on Sunday.