Go to your ipod or media player and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Add commentary as appropriate (Note: I actually didn’t make these up. They are naturally freaky, probably due to the kind of music I play)

What do you think of me, mp3 player?

Sex Pistols – Pretty Vacant
This does not bode well, does it?

Will I have a happy life?

Metallica – Fade to Black
(Life it seems will fade away
Drifting further everyday
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things not what they used to be Missing one inside of me
Deadly loss this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me but now, he’s gone
No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye
Goodbye)
I. Am. Screwed.

What do my friends really think of me?

Insane Clown Posse – I Stab People
I don’t! Honest! (You can’t see crossed fingers across the internet, can you?)

Do people secretly lust after me?

Oasis - Whatever
Well that’s nice!

How can I make myself happy?

Cradle of Filth – Nymphetamine
Yeah, I guess that’s one way of doing it

What should I do with my life?

Perfect Circle – Vanishing
I don’t think my mp3 likes me

Why must life be so full of pain?

Electrasy – Morning Afterglow
(She's the only one for me and she's got everything I need
Turn my back and run away)
Finally one that makes sense!

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?

Offspring – Worst Hangover Ever
Again, I guess that’s one way of doing it. So I should drink & then do it or wait til the hangover kicks in?

Will I ever have children?

The Supernaturals – I wasn’t built to get up (at this time)
(I wish I could turn the clocks back
& have a couple more hours in the sack
Anything at this time of day
Is like climbing Everest the difficult way)
So someone else is doing the 4am feeds then

Will I die happy?

Papa Roach - Scars
(I tear my heart open,
I sow myself shut,
my weakness says that I care too much,
our scars remind us that the past is real,
I tear my heart open, just to feel)
Yeah. Or NOT, then

Can you give me some advice?

Metallica – Nothing Else Matters
(So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters)
There’s worse advice, I suppose

Do you know where your children are?

Radiohead – No Surprises
So I do know where they are then? Good.

What do you think happiness is?

Metallica – Die, Die My Darling
Even I am now scared. I hate you, mp3 player!

What's your favorite fetish?

Iron Maiden – Fear of The Dark
Scared now