Yes, ino I keep saying my life is crazy at the moment but it rly is. I was in Ireland for the football final again (we're not talking about the match) and

• we got kicked out of a kebab shop (turns out you can't make demeaning Father Ted references at bouncers in Ireland because they actually saw it
• my friend fell off the top bunk, climbed back in, went back to sleep, woke up the next morning without a mark on her, asking 'so who fell out of bed last night?'
• we had to forcibly eject two guys from the room at 4am. When our goalkeeper kicks you, you stay kicked. Also I managed to drag a guy right across the room. Still can't work out how I got the door open.

Last night was my friend's engagement party. Okay backstory: last time I went to visit her a few weeks ago, I slept with one of her boyfriend's friends (it was a costume party, he was dressed as Han Solo this is like catnip) so I was kind of looking forward to seeing him again! Immediately when I saw my friend, she and her boyfriend solemnly sat me down and said 'he's not coming. He crashed his bike into a tree yesterday and broke three ribs'. My thoughts in order:

• Oh God I truly am some kind of grotesque freakshow
• AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
• I kind of admire that kind of dedication to getting out of awkwardness?

OH MY GOD WHAT IS MY LIFE EVEN (I should probably add that there is some PMS involved in this thought process).