I must be the only person in the world who's injured themselves while watching the London marathon. I have several issues with going to watch a marathon.

1) I don't have the patience to watch a marathon.

2) I don't have the attention span to watch a marathon.

3) I don't actually like marathons.

4) If I stand still for too long my back seizes up. I think it's genetic.

My dad coached a bunch of people & he's very pleased with their times. They don't have the heart to tell him they were chasing the model, Nell McAndrew, round the course.

Kevin took six hours. I can't see him being happy with that.

I've got Rob back for the Pope's funeral. Yes, Fr Peter is on telly again, cos there's a new pope. Of course Rob phones me while I'm watching
Me: Are you watching ITV news?
Rob: No, why? (switches over) Mum! New Pope!

Na na na na na na.

I'm not sure I like the look of this fella.

He was in charge of the PR department. Which used to be called the Spanish Inquisition. No, I'm not making this up. Seriously. Only the church could do that. He was also in the Hitler Youth. THAT'S gonna go down well with the Jews, &, well, everyone.

Quotes from mum & dad on seeing him.

Mum: oh, FUCK. Not him! He's too grumpy.

Dad: Thats not the pope. He can move!